


Crazy Stupid Love

by angstcentral



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Established Relationship, F/F, F/M, G!P Clarke, Girl Penis Clarke, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Player Anya, Post-Break Up, Sad Clarke, Sad Lexa, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-15
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2018-11-14 05:52:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11201784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstcentral/pseuds/angstcentral
Summary: Clarke and Lexa are married for over two decades when Lexa asks for a divorce and suddenly their worlds come crashing down. Clarke lost herself somewhere along the way. Will she find herself again? Will she find her way to Lexa?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Loosely inspired by the movie 'Crazy, Stupid Love.' I don't own any characters or anything.
> 
> ALSO I am looking for a second writer!! I have so many fics unfinished but I've had this idea for a long time and it was just sitting around my drafts. If anyone is interested in co-writing this or even another one of my fics, sound off in the comments please :)

Clarke and Lexa fell madly in love when they were 15 years old. Clarke had just transferred to Lexa’s high school and the green eyed girl was assigned to help her around school. They quickly realized their attraction to each other and almost immediately started dating. They became the town darlings in their small California town. 

Then Lexa got pregnant at 17 with their first daughter Raven. Clarke supported her and loved her and they got married shortly after their baby girl was born. Their marriage was strong and somewhere along the way they had two more kids, Aden and Tris. Aden is 14 now and Tris is 6.

Somewhere along the way, they start communicating less. Clarke is stressed at work as a architect. Lexa works as a book editor. They pour themselves into their kids and their work and eventually they forget about each other. It feels like a broken record.

Lexa goes in day in and day out tired. She’s tired of missing her wife. Clarke is always there for the kids, but she feels like she hasn’t been seen by her wife in years. They’re 42 years old and Lexa feels like they’ve been stuck for years now. Clarke doesn’t see it though.

Clarke is too busy with her work and the kids. She doesn’t pay attention to Lexa. Everything is a routine. Every Monday, Clarke picks up Aden from school and coaches his soccer team. They have games on Saturday afternoons. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, she stays late at the office so she usually misses dinner. On Thursdays, she picks up Tris from ballet. Sundays are family day. And Friday nights are date night. Every Saturday, Clarke takes Lexa to the same italian restaurant that they have been going to for the last decade. 

Clarke orders the eggplant parmigiana and a glass of wine. Lexa orders the chicken marsala and two glasses of wine. Sometimes they get the tiramisu. Their lives are planned down to every minute and Lexa hates it. They barely have sex anymore.

The kids go to Grandma Indra’s every third Saturday a month. Clarke and Lexa have sex sometimes on that day. It’s routine. Lexa feels like she’s just another checklist off Clarke’s to do list. Lexa has been unhappy for quite some time now. 

She has tried to liven up their time in the bedroom but Clarke has been resistant, too busy. Lexa tried to plan a romantic vacation for just the two of them for next month but Clarke said she was too busy with a project for work. Lexa tries but now she’s tired of trying. She’s just so damn tired.

“I’m thinking the eggplant parm for tonight.” Clarke mumbles while looking at the menu that has been the same since the first time they came in here all those years ago.

Lexa stares at the bread bowl in deep thought. She can’t do this anymore.

“Hmm maybe we should get tiramisu for dessert.” Clarke says, staring at the menu as if she’s reading the menu for the first time. “What do you want?”

Lexa stares at the bread, unresponsive. Clarke distractedly looks up from her menu. “Babe, I said what do you want?”

Lexa finally tears her eyes away from the bread and stares at her wife. Clarke looks tired too. She didn’t bother to change out of her work out. Her suit is probably a size too big for her. Her hair is in a clean bun, her blonde hair showing a couple greys. Lexa remembers when Clarke was young and happy. Clarke used to be so passionate and loving. She hasn’t seen that side of her wife in so long. 

“I want a divorce.” Lexa says quietly, barely above a whisper.

“What?” Clarke says, unable to hear Lexa over the music in the restaurant.

“I said I want a divorce!” Lexa shouts loud enough that a good portion of the restaurant probably hears.

Clarke looks shocked. Lexa shakes her head and puts her napkin on the table before hurriedly exiting the restaurant. She waits outside in the driver’s seat of their car until Clarke comes out. The blonde comes out five minutes later, presumably after paying the check.

Lexa observes Clarke. The blonde looks even more tired now. Her shoulders are hunched and her eyes are unreadable. Clarke wordlessly gets into the car and puts her seat belt on. Lexa bites her lip, observing her wife.

“I paid the bill. We can leave now.” Clarke says calmly. Lexa swallows hard. Did Clarke not hear her? Lexa just nods and starts the car, pulling out of the parking lot.

Lexa keeps looking over at her wife nervously. Should she tell her? She’s not sure what good it will do. When Clarke gets quiet like this, Lexa always starts to have word vomit and starting nervously talking.

“My coworker kissed me last week.” Lexa blurts out when they are at a red light, looking at Clarke. Clarke tenses a little but other than that, her face is neutral.

“I..her name is Costia Angelo. It was that night we had that huge fight about you working late all the time. She’s a fellow book editor, just transferred in a few months from our Toronto branch. I stayed at the office late and I was so upset about our fight. She comforted me and I guess she got confused about what we were. I don’t know but um she kissed me.” Lexa nervously talks really fast.

“Please stop talking. I don’t want to hear this.” Clarke says in a pained voice.

“Clarke..I’m so sorry. I don’t want this divorce because of her. It’s not about Costia. It’s about us. We are broken,” Lexa says.

“I’m going to jump out of the car if you don’t stop.” Clarke says tiredly.

“Clarke, be fucking serious for a second. She kissed me and...and well I kissed her back. It felt so nice to be wanted again. I kissed her but then I stopped it really soon after. I felt so dirty and wrong. I’m so sorry. But we are broken. We haven’t been us for a long time. I would have never imagined that-”

As Lexa continues to explain herself, Clarke waits until Lexa is slowing down at a yellow light and undoes her seatbelt. She opens her door and rolls out of the car, unwilling to hear anymore.

“Holy Shit! Clarke!” Lexa screams out worriedly, slamming on her break. Lexa puts the car in park and runs out of the car to see the blonde dusting herself off.

“I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll move out first thing in the morning. Just please. Stop talking about Costia and whatever else.” Clarke says in a pained voice. Lexa bites her lip and looks away, her heart aching. She thought maybe Clarke would say more than this. But I guess she was right. They are broken beyond repair.

Lexa nods and they both get into the car driving home in silence.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Lexa asking for a divorce.

They walk into the house and their youngest Tris giggles and runs towards them with their babysitter Octavia in tow. Octavia is the 18 year old daughter of their friends Indra and Marcus.

“I’m sorry Tris is still up! She just couldn’t fall asleep without saying goodnight to you too.” Octavia says, a little breathlessly from chasing Tris around the house all night.

“Oh that’s okay. Ready for night night sweetie?” Lexa says sweetly, trying to mask her shock and sadness about what just happened. She doesn’t want the kids to see this.

“Mrs. Griffin, are you okay?” Octavia asks worriedly, seeing how ruffled and ripped Clarke’s clothes are.

“Oh yeah..” Clarke says slowly, taking in her own appearance. “I jumped out of the car because Mrs. Woods asked for a divorce.” Clarke shrugs and Lexa turns around wide eyed.

“Clarke!” Lexa reprimands her wife for saying that in front of the kids. She doesn’t want Tris to find out this way.

“Mommy?” Tris asks, her lip jutting out and tears starting to form in her eyes.

“I’m taking her upstairs.” Lexa says in a serious tone. “Take Octavia home and we will talk about this later.” 

Clarke bitterly chuckles and grabs her keys. The drive home is mostly silent. Clarke is in her own head replaying her and Lexa’s first kiss, the first time they said ‘I love you,’ the birth of their kids. When did they get so lost?

“Well here we are.” Clarke says softly, pulling up to Octavia’s house. She looks over at Octavia who is already staring at her. Little does Clarke realize, Octavia has been staring at her this whole time. 

“I’m sorry about you and Mrs. Woods.” Octavia says and Clarke sighs.

“No I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that.” Clarke mumbles. “If you could not tell your parents yet, that’d be really great. I just..I don’t want them to know yet. I should be the one to tell them.”

“Of course. It’ll be our little secret.” Octavia whispers. Clarke nods, still in her own world. She’s just lost the love of her life.

“You know, Mrs. Griffin..” Octavia starts but Clarke cuts her off.

“I’ve known you since you were a baby, you can call me Clarke.” Clarke says, staring at the steering wheel. She’s in shock about the night’s events so she doesn’t see how Octavia beams brightly.

“Clarke.” Octavia tries out the name on the tongue. “Well I just wanted to say that I know I’m young but I am here for you. Like you’re such a good mom. The kids are always so excited to see you. I just...you’re a great person.”

Clarke sadly smiles. “If only my wife thought so as well.” Clarke clears her throat. She shouldn’t be talking about this with little Octavia Blake. “Well..you better get inside, your parents are probably waiting for you.”

“Yeah…” Octavia nods, but makes no move to leave. Clarke looks up from the wheel after a bit and Octavia finally moves to get out of the car. “Goodnight Clarke.”

Clarke waves half heartedly before driving home...well she supposes it’s not really her home anymore.

///

Clarke walks in tiredly and heads upstairs to their bedroom. Lexa is naked when she walks in. Her bare back and ass on display. Clarke turns away, suddenly feeling as if she shouldn't be allowed to see these type of private moments anymore.

"Sorry." Clarke says while turning to face to wall.

"It's okay Clarke. You don't have to turn around." Lexa says feeling awkward and sad.

"It's fine. I'm just going to grab some pajamas and a pillow and blanket and go downstairs." Clarke mumbles, turning around slightly and collecting her things.

"We should talk about this more." Lexa says slowly. Once she puts her pjs on, Lexa sits on the bed and carefully observes her wife.

"There's nothing to talk about. You madeout with your coworker and you want a divorce. Sums up everything very nicely." Clarke bitterly says.

"Clarke.." Lexa says sadly. "Costia has nothing to do with this."

"She has everything to do with this!" Clarke snaps and Lexa's eyes widen slightly.

"I'm so sorry. We haven't been right for awhile and I just can't take it anymore." Lexa says just above a whisper. Her heart is aching.

"You decided to drop this bomb on me over dinner as if we were talking about the weather. You obviously care very little about what I feel so I don't care if you're sorry." Clarke mumbles while grabbing a pillow.

"You don't have to move out." Lexa says sadly and Clarke turns around and looks at her incredulously.

"Oh no? What's your recommendation? We divorce and live in the same house? No thank you. I'd rather not sleep in the bedroom next to you and your new lover." Clarke scoffs and shakes her head.

"She's not my lover! I don't...We haven't even talked since the kiss. I made my feelings very clear for her. This isn't about her. Clarke, we are broken. I just can't live like this and I've tried to fix things but..you just never listened. I felt invisible to you." Lexa mutters defeatedly.

"Well you certainly made yourself visible to Costia, didn't you?" Clarke says bitterly and Lexa's face turns hard.

"Just forget it." Lexa says stoically.

"Oh I wish I could." Clarke says bitterly. "I'll be gone in the morning, don't worry." 

Clarke heads downstairs and does not sleep one bit. The next day Clarke gets up and starts to pack her things. Lexa is usually the early riser but last night once the kids were asleep she took a bottle of rum and finished it off by herself.

Clarke walks upstairs quietly and starts collecting her suits and stuffing them away in her duffle bag. Lexa is sound asleep, her mascara stained down her face like a raccoon. Clarke can tell she cried herself asleep just like she quietly did downstairs. She won’t pretend to understand why Lexa is doing this. She isn’t going to fight for her either. Lexa has made her decision and Clarke has to learn to accept it.

Clarke finishes packing and stares at her wife for a few minutes, unsure if she should wake her up or just leave. Lexa starts to stir and slowly opens her eyes to the image of her wife with a duffle bag, ready to leave this life they created together by her request. A huge part of Lexa wants to beg her to stay. A huge part of Lexa regrets doing this. But her pride wins out. She’s been miserable for so long and Clarke has to. There’s no use in continuing this.

“I will be at my mom’s for a week or two until I find a new place. We will figure out a schedule with the kids. We should probably sit them down soon to talk about this. And one of us will have to tell Raven too.” Clarke says tired.

“Right.” Lexa sucks in a shaky breath. She doesn’t have any more tears to cry. “Clarke..I’m so-”

“Goodbye Lexa.” Clarke says coldly before walking out the door. Lexa bites her lip to keep the tears away. She did this. She asked for a divorce and Clarke is only complying. Lexa feels like she just made the biggest mistake of her life. Clarke does too. Will they ever be able to fix this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that chapter ended on a pretty dim note but don't worry, it will get better! I like the movie this fic is inspired by but there are some plots I don't really wanna incorporate into this story so it'll be slightly different. Also, I know that Lexa asking for a divorce so abruptly is not right. Neither are perfect and you will see that as the story unfolds. There will be a happy ending people!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa and Clarke adjust to the first month of separation. Clarke makes a new friend.

It’s been a little over a month since Clarke moved out. Five of the hardest weeks of Lexa and Clarke’s whole lives. They told Aden and Tris the next day and their reactions were to be expected. Tris cried and hugged Clarke begging for her to come home. Aden was just stoic and went upstairs to his room.

Lexa called Raven the next day to tell her and their firstborn was deeply saddened and concerned by the news. Both Lexa and Clarke agreed not to tell the kids about the whole Costia debacle. 

Every night Lexa’s bed is so cold without Clarke. She hasn’t been able to sleep a full night without Clarke by her side. Lexa reasons that this is just a transitional period and soon she will be happy again. But she can’t help but miss her Clarke and curse herself for perhaps acting too rashly.

Clarke moved into a rented townhouse three weeks ago. They have friends in the real estate business so it was easy for the blonde to find a nice place to live. The kids love it. She has a pool and jacuzzi in the backyard. It’s closer to the bars and nightlife of their city. Lexa always wanted to live in the suburbs part but Clarke just couldn’t stand to live in that area anymore. It reminded her of the family moments she no longer had to look forward to.

Lexa is in her office when she gets a call from the school. She worriedly picks up the phone only to receive word that Aden has gotten detention, possible suspension, for cursing in class. Lexa hangs up the phone and hurries over to the school. 

“Aden, what were you thinking?” Lexa says in a parental tone. She always had to be the bad cop because Clarke never wanted to.

“I was thinking that love sucks.” Aden mumbles defeatedly. Lexa looks at him sadly. This has to be at least a little bit about her and Clarke’s divorce.

“Aden, love doesn’t suck. Why would you say that?” Lexa says softly.

“You and Mom claimed to love each other and that was all bullshit.” Aden scowls.

“Aden! You know that’s not true. Now your mother and I did love each other. So much.” Lexa says, getting slightly emotional. “And we made you and your sisters and now we love you all so much. There is so much love in our family, bud.” Lexa says emotionally.

“Sure there is.” Aden mumbles. “Can we just go home?” Aden asks desperately. The poor boy looks like he’s on the edge of tears.

“Yeah. Let’s go. You’re grounded still buddy.” Lexa kisses the top of his head and takes him home for the day. 

“Yeah I know.” Aden sighs and gets in the passenger seat of the car. 

Lexa feels like she’s going to throw up. She’s ruining her kids. Her kids now don’t believe in love because of her? Lexa shakes her head and drives Aden home.

///

“Clarke Griffin speaking.” Clarke says in her professional voice. It’s 5 p.m. on a Friday night and she’s tired. All she’s been doing the past month is working day in and day out. Occasionally she will go to grab a drink after work at this bar around the corner from work but she just sits alone. 

Her life is sad without her family. The only time she’s happy now is the days she gets her kids. Her and Lexa barely see each other. Clarke drops the kids off at the house and Lexa waves from the front porch and vice versa. It’s sad and it breaks Clarke’s heart.

“Hi..it’s Lexa.” Lexa’s voice sounds small. The usually just text nowadays instead of phone calls. They only talk when they need to and it’s only ever about the kids. Clarke is beyond shocked to hear Lexa’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Are the kids okay?” Clarke asks worriedly, ready to grab her keys and go wherever they are right now.

“Yes. Well Aden..he..cursed out his teacher in front of the class. They were reading a book about love and he got angry. I think..” Lexa sighs deeply and sucks in a breath. “I think this is about our divorce. He’s heartbroken.” Lexa can barely hold it together.

“Oh Aden..” Clarke breathes deeply. “I..I’ll talk to him when you drop him off later tonight.”

“Actually I was wondering if I could keep them this weekend.” Lexa says slowly, her voice desperate.

“Lexa, it’s my weekend. This arrangement only works because we abide by it. We both agreed we didn’t want to get the courts involved.” Clarke says through gritted teeth.

“I know..I just...I wanted to take them to my sister’s beach house. I think Aden could use a change of scenery. He’s been so down lately.” Lexa says quietly. “Please Clarke.”

Clarke shuts her eyes tightly and sighs. She can’t be selfish right now. She knows how much Aden and Tris love that beach house. It pains her deeply that she won’t be going with them. This will be the first vacation that the kids will go on without her. She wants to cry.

“Fine.” Clarke huffs out.

“Thank you Clarke.” Lexa says softly.

“Don’t thank me. I’m just thinking about our children’s well being ahead of my own needs.” Clarke sasses out.

“What does that mean? What are you trying to say?” Lexa’s voice is hard.

“Nothing. Look I’m tired and I don’t want to spend my first break of the day fighting with my wi-” Clarke stops herself before she says the word ‘wife.’ Lexa isn’t really her wife anymore. They’re separated now. “I don’t want to fight, okay?.” 

“Okay. You’re right.” Lexa says, trying to be calm.

“I have work to get back to. I have to go.” Clarke says quietly.

“Right yeah of course. Bye Clarke.” Lexa says in a small sad voice. Lexa can't help the tears that follow after hanging up her phone. What if she has made the biggest mistake of her life?

///

Clarke finishes up work late and decides she doesn’t want to be sitting alone in her house. She goes over to that bar she’s become a bit of a regular at, but this time she invites out her good friend Marcus.

“Hey Marcus.” Clarke says, trying to remain cheery as her friend approaches the table she’s sitting at. She sips on her fruity cocktail that is more sugar than alcohol as he approaches.

“Hey there Clarke. I got you a housewarming gift. Sorry I haven’t been by to see the new place.” Marcus says guiltily.

“It’s alright. Everyone gets busy.” Clarke waves him off with a polite smile. She’s missed her old friends, but it’s been hard. Lexa and her always used to hangout with Indra and Marcus as a couple. And now her and Lexa are no longer a couple. It’s going to take some getting used to.

“Yeah..actually you know about that…” Marcus clears his throat and loosens his tie. Clarke narrows her eyes in confusion. “So Indra decided that it’s probably best if we limit our contact for now. You know, just until all this separation drama blows over.”

“Are you kidding me?” Clarke says incredulously.

“Yeah..look Indra is very close with Lexa. You know they’ve known each other since college. I just...Indra is upset about all of this. She asked me if I could, you know, just hangout less with you, at least for now. She doesn’t want Lexa to feel left out.” Marcus says regrettably.

“What about me?..We are friends and now you’re just going to drop me?” Clarke asks annoyed. “My wife cheats on me and she’s the one who gets the sympathy. Are you fucking kidding me?”

“I’m really sorry Clarke. My hands are tied here.” Marcus says before patting Clarke on the back and walking away.

Clarke shakes her head, mumbling under her breath before downing her cocktail and ordering another. A couple cocktails later, Clarke is sufficiently drunk and groaning on and on about Costia Angelo.

“Did you know that my wife cheated on me with Costia Angelo? Costia Angelo.” Clarke mumbles to the girl next to her who shakes her head and walks away. Clarke slumps forward slightly and finishes off her drink. 

A dirty blonde from across the bar has been studying her carefully. The women is fierce and beautiful. She shakes her head at the sad scene and decides that she is going to help this woman in front of her.

“Do you know how sad this looks?” The dirty blonde woman says, approaching Clarke. Clarke looks up annoyingly.

“What’s it to you?” Clarke spits out.

“Well you’ve been coming to this bar for the last couple of weeks and you just look even sadder with each day that passes. And now you’re drunk and ranting about Costia Angelo hooking up with your wife. Why do I know that? Why does a complete stranger know this about your family issues? Well it’s because you’re ranting to everyone with ears in this bar. People don’t want to hear your sob story.” Anya says calmly, while signaling to the bar for two tequila shots.

“I don’t need to listen to this.” Clarke says harshly and moves to get up.

“No listen to me, blondie.” Anya says with a chuckle. “I want to help you.”

“Help me?” Clarke asks incredulously. “How are you going to help me?”

“Well for starters, you need to up your fashion game. Your clothes are sizes too big for you. Your hair is flat and just sad. And we need to find your confidence again. You lost yourself somewhere along the way and I don’t know you well, but I’m going to help you find yourself again.” Anya says with a smile on her face, before pushing a tequila shot towards Clarke. “What do you say blondie?”

Clarke narrows her eyes at the younger girl in front of her. The girl is a player. She’s seen her take girl after girl home every night. Why does she want to help some soon to be divorced woman? Clarke shrugs and clinks her shot glass with Anya’s before chugging it down. What has she got to lose? She’s already lost the woman she loves. 

“I’m in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so it's not very pretty right now, but it's clexa endgame. i have a feeling i'm going to get some hate for these chapters. i know lexa is not being portrayed in the best light right now but she will come around. 
> 
> this fic is inspired by the movie with the same title but plot will certainly be deviating off course. you'll see :)


	4. Someone New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anya gives Clarke a makeover. Clarke meets someone new.

“You’ve got to be kidding me..” Anya says in a astonished tone, gawking at Clarke.

“What?” Clarke asks confused. 

“Tell me you do not have a velcro wallet.” Anya says, shaking her head.

“I’ll have you know that this wallet was a gift from my son.” Clarke says simply. Anya just rolls her eyes and approaches the saleswoman. “Excuse, where are your wallets?” 

///

Clarke follows Anya around the mall as Anya swipes Clarke’s card left and right, buying tight button downs and sleek blazers, fancy dresses for work and for the club, knee boots and pumps that Clarke might break an ankle in, and a whole new makeup supply and delicious perfume...and of course, a new leather wallet and purse to go.

“I don’t think I can do this, Anya. Nobody is going to want to be with me.” Clarke says, defeatedly. Anya waits on the other side of the dressing room, waiting for Clarke to come out and show her the outfit she picked out.

“That’s bullshit. You’re hot; you just have to see that again.” Anya says encouragingly. “No pity parties here. Come out.” Anya states firmly. She hears Clarke huff and mutter a ‘fine.’ Clarke walks out and a bunch of hungry eyes turn to stare at her but Clarke is too distracted to see that.

Anya just smirks. “You clean up good.” Clarke rolls her eyes at Anya’s comment. “Now we take you to a club and bam, you’re on your way to moving on with a new lady.”

Clarke bites her lip. “It won’t be that easy. I mean look at me.” Clarke says honestly.

“I am...that’s why I’m saying this.” Anya says. “Hold up, excuse me miss.” Anya calls the attention of a tall gorgeous blonde salesperson. The saleswoman comes over with a bright smile on her face. 

“How can I help you?” She says cheerily.

“What’s your name, doll?” Anya says charmingly. The woman blushes slightly.

“Mary.” She replies shyly.

“Mary, would you sleep with my friend right here if you spotted her across the bar one night?” Anya asks and Clarke’s jaw falls to the floor. 

“Anya! You can’t just-” Clarke sputters out, all flustered.

“Yes..definitely.” The girl shrugs, replying honestly. 

“What..” Clarke says quietly, baffled. “You would um..no...me? What?” Clarke stutters out. The salesperson scrunches up her face. Clarke has to admit, she definitely looks better. But she still lacks confidence..she has for years now. Maybe that was one of her and Lexa’s problems. Maybe she needs to build up her confidence again. Maybe she needs to just let loose and stop worrying so much. Maybe that’s what Lexa found so unattractive about her.

“See you opened up your mouth and she immediately started questioning if she wanted to sleep with you.” Anya says and Clarke just stares at her blankly.

“That is the rudest thing you have said to me yet.” Clarke says lightly, understanding that Anya is kidding. They leave the boutique and shop a bit more, agreeing to meet later that night for their first night on the town.

///

“Alright, what about her?” Anya says, signaling towards a beautiful blonde across the bar. Clarke bites her lip and shrugs.

“She’s pretty I guess.” Clarke mumbles, taking a gulp of her cocktail.

“Pretty? Come on, that girl is gorgeous.” Anya says, shaking her head in disbelief.

“I kinda have a thing for brunettes with glasses.” Clarke says quietly, her heart aching for Lexa still. She doesn’t think she will ever get over her first and only love. 

“Please tell me you aren’t describing your ex.” Anya says slowly. Clarke hangs her head in confirmation and Anya pats her on the back.

“Clarke, do you want to move on?” Anya asks gently. “Because I won’t force you to do any of this if you really aren’t ready.” Anya states simply. She wants to help this woman in front of her but she realizes that this might not be helping Clarke at all.

“I do..I need this.” Clarke says honestly. “I’m just not used to talking to women. I haven’t flirted in ages.” Clarke says, suddenly realizing she can’t remember the last time she flirted with lexa. Just because they were married doesn’t mean she should stop complimenting and flirting with Lexa. Clarke is starting to realize her mistakes...too bad it’s too late.

“Well now is the perfect time to get out there and flirt.” Anya says. Clarke bites her lip.

Clarke and Anya have fun, laughing and talking to some beautiful women. Clarke is surprised at how easy flirting is coming to her. Apparently, with a little alcohol coursing through her veins, she is a natural at this. It’s fun and easy and it’s taking her mind off Lexa and her crippling heartbreak. Deep down, Clarke knows this isn’t the healthiest way to cope but she pushes that thought aside. 

“Hi I’m Niylah.” A beautiful woman approaches Clarke at the bar when she’s getting another drink. Clarke smiles softly. She seems sweet.

“Hi I’m Clarke.” Clarke politely says. “Do you want a drink?”

“Oh sure. Hmm I’ll having whatever you’re having as long as its not whiskey.” Niylah says with an easy smile on her face. Banter is exchanged back and forth and its easy. All Clarke can think about is how easy it used to be with Lexa and how hard it was in the end.

“I’m a little nervous to be with her.” Clarke says once she walks over to Anya at the bar. 

“Why?” Anya asks gently.

“Well I’ve only been with one woman.” Clarke says with a blush.

“You mean at the same time?” Anya asks incredulously.

“No..ever. Lexa got pregnant when were 17 years old. We were eachother’s firsts and only.” Clarke says evenly. It still hurts to think about Lexa going out with someone else...someone else like that Costia bitch.

“Wow…” Anya says, stunned into silence. “Well hey, you don’t have to sleep with her if you don’t want to. Just enjoy yourself and see where the night takes you, yeah?” 

“Yeah you’re right.” Clarke says before chugging the rest of her drink. “Let’s do this.”

/// 

“So Clarke, it's getting kind of late.” Niylah says softly but also with meaning.

“I didn't even realize how late it was. You've been great company.” Clarke says sweetly.

Niylah blushes gently. “Well thank you. You have too.” Clarke signals for the check. There's an awkward air between them, neither wanting to be the one to suggest spending the night together.

“Would you maybe be interested in coming back to my place?” Niylah says, a little shyly. “I don't normally do these sort of things. 

“I..yes. I'd love to.” Clarke stutters for a moment before taking Niylah’s hand and leaving the club.

They get back to Niylah’s and the woman makes them two drinks. They laugh and talk, lounging on Niylah’s couch comfortably. 

“Has anyone ever told you that you're the perfect combination of cute and sexy?” Clarke says softly. It's the first thing that popped into her head but it feels bitter now that she's said it. She always used to say that to Lexa. 

Niylah smiles gently. “I haven't gotten that one just yet.” Niylah says sweetly before moving closer to Clarke, their thighs touching. “I have to be honest with you.. I don't usually do this sort of thing.”

“I don't either.” Clarke responds honestly and Niylah looks at her, unconvinced.

“Come on, I saw you with your friend earlier. You seemed like a natural out there.” Niylah teases and Clarke chuckles.

“That couldn't be farther from the truth. No, honestly, my wife and I just separated. It has been rough.” Clarke says, hoping Niylah doesn't hear the crack in her voice. 

“Oh I'm so sorry Clarke.” Niylah says, putting her hand on Clarke’s thigh. “I'm newly divorced so I get it.” 

“Do you want to talk about something else?” Clarke says, not wanting to discuss Lexa anymore.

Niylah takes Clarke's drink from her hand and places both of their drinks on the table. “I think I have an idea of how we can occupy our time.” Niylah says just above a whisper. Clarke bites her lip before following lustful instinct and going for it. 

The whole night is a pleasant distraction, but when she wakes up, Lexa is still on her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo I realize that many people will not like this chapter. I know that people do not like Clexa with others. Unfortunately, in life, sometimes there are other people involved. Clarke is trying to move on (although she isn't doing it in a healthy way). Anya is trying to help her, but Anya is also lost too. I am using the movie with the same name as inspiration for this fic but it won't be exactly the same because I didn't like some of the plot points from it. This fic is about two people (Clarke and Lexa) who have lost their way. It'll take awhile to get back together, but make no mistake, they will get back together. I hope y'all stick around for the ride.


	5. Burgers and Strawberry Shakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clexa catches up. Is this the start of a new beginning?

_4 Weeks Later_

“So how’s Mom holding up?” Lexa asks while pouring Raven some tea. Lexa and Raven haven’t really had much time to talk latey. Lexa has been pouring herself in her work, trying to distract herself from her empty bed, trying to distract herself from the fact that she’s unhappy without Clarke. Because if she thinks about it too long, she will realize that she made the biggest mistake of her life. 

“Do you really want to know the answer to that?” Raven asks gently. She still doesn’t understand this. Her parents were so in sync while she was growing up. What could have gone so wrong?

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have even asked you that. That’s not something I should be asking you.” Lexa says, scolding herself.

“Relax Mom, I’m old enough to talk about this kind of stuff.” Raven says lightly. She doesn’t want to be stuck shuffling messages between her parents but she can see how unhappy Lexa and Clarke are alone. “She’s sad.”

“Really?” Lexa bites her lip and looks down. 

“Of course. She still loves you, Mom.” Raven says simply. 

“She talked to you about this?” Lexa asks, a little surprised. She can’t help how fast her heart beats when she hears that Clarke still loves her.

“No..not really. But I can see it in her eyes when I mention you.” Raven says honestly. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s certainly not moping around though. She looks really good, better than she has in years.”

“Oh?” Lexa asks. Maybe ending things was the right thing. I mean after all, Clarke seems to be doing pretty well. Lexa feels sad.

“Yeah she goes out alot too.”Raven says casually. 

“With who?” Lexa asks curiously. Raven just shrugs.

“I’m not sure.” Raven says and then changes the subject. Lexa sighs, feeling like she made an even worst mistake.

///

“Like that.” The curly haired woman says breathily. “Yes Clarke.”

Clarke kisses the woman below her passionately. All of a sudden, she hears her phone ring. Clarke immediately stops her movements and the woman pouts. Clarke immediately recognizes that ringtone. It’s Lexa. 

“I’m sorry, one sec.” Clarke says and removes herself from on top of the girl. Clarke grabs her robe quickly and throws it on before hurrying to grab her phone. Lexa never calls her anymore. They only text about pickups and dropoffs. She hasn’t even see her ex in over a month. They have a system down pat. Sometimes Clarke thinks that Lexa is actively trying to find ways not to have to see or hear her.

“Lexa?” Clarke asks breathlessly. She looks over at the clock and it says 1 a.m. Why is Lexa calling her at this time?

“Hi Clarke.” Lexa’s voice sounds a little unsure. She went out drinking with her work friends tonight since their kids are away at some weekend school retreat. Lexa can hear the tell tale raspiness in Clarke’s voice that she only gets when she’s turned on. Lexa remembers that distinct voice very well even though she hasn’t heard it in some time. 

“Are the kids okay?” Clarke asks worriedly. She’s already searching for clothes and keys, ready to run out the door. 

“The kids are good. They’re having a fun time at the camp.” Lexa says. She hears another voice in Clarke’s background. It sounds like a woman. Lexa sucks in a sharp breath. She was right. Lexa regrets even calling Clarke. She clearly interrupted something. Lexa wants to cry. She didn’t even know Clakre was seeing someone. “I’m sorry I don’t know why I’m calling..n-nevermind.” Lexa says and hangs up. Clarke immediately calls her back, confused out of her mind. Lexa reluctantly answers, knowing Clarke isn’t going to stop calling until she finds out what is wrong.

“Lexa? Lexa, please talk to me.” Clarke says desperately. She knows the kids are okay so this must be something about Lexa or them. Clarke needs to know what’s going on. What if Lexa is having doubts? What if they still have a chance?

“I..I’m just a little drunk that’s all.” Lexa sniffles. She knows this is wrong. She shouldn’t have called Clarke. She’s the one who descended the family into chaos. She’s the one who asked for a divorce so quickly. She’s the one who kissed someone else while her and Clarke were still together.

“Okay.” Clarke says gently. “Do you want to talk?” 

Lexa smiles sadly, wiping some tears away. Clarke is so sweet to her, even after everything. She really messed up. Now someone else is there to see how great Clarke is.

“No it’s okay, Clarke. It’s late and I don’t want to ruin your night.” Lexa says sadly.

“You’re not ruining anything. Do you...do you want me to come over? Just to like talk?” Clarke says and she hears Luna, the woman she’s been hooking up with, curse angirly.

“Are you fucking kidding me Clarke?” Luna says angrily, getting up from Clarke’s bed and throwing clothes on her naked body. Clarke mouths out an ‘I’m sorry.’ She feels bad but her and Luna don’t owe anything to one another. They’re not exclusive. Luna is young too. She’s 30 years old and a very successful lawyer. A divorce lawyer, ironically enough. 

“No..um no it’s okay. You seem busy.” Lexa says, feeling instantly bad. Whoever Clarke is with, probably her new girlfriend, is clearly very upset by Clarke asking Lexa if she wants her to come over. Lexa hears a door slam on the other side of the phone, probably the woman slamming out of Clarke’s apartment. 

Clarke sighs loudly. “No I’m not busy. I can get you some greasy food if you want.” Clarke adds hopefully. Lexa bites her lip.

“Okay..” Lexa says quietly.

“Burger with extra pickles and a strawberry shake coming up.” Clarke says softly, knowing that has been Lexa’s favorite fast food order since she was pregnant with Raven. 

Lexa smiles wistfully. “Thank you Clarke.”

“Of course Lex. I’ll be there soon.”

///

By the time Clarke gets to the house, Lexa is in pjs with her makeup all wiped off. Lexa looks at Clarke. She really does look different. She’s more confident, carrying herself differently. 

Clarke is wearing light wash skinny jeans and a black sweater that reveals a decent amount of cleavage. She’s wearing tall black boots and a burberry trench coat. Her hair is messy curls but it looks really sexy. She’s not wearing any makeup but she looks great. Lexa smiles sadly and lets her ex inside. 

“Here you go.” Clarke smiles softly. She loves Lexa without makeup on. Lexa is wearing the pjs they bought in Disney when Aden was four years old when times were much simpler. 

“Thanks.” Lexa mumbles quietly, leading them to the living room. Clarke starts unwrapping the burgers and puts them on the table. The air is awkward. When were they ever this awkward? Clarke kind of regrets even coming here. 

“You can um sit.” Lexa says nervously. Clarke nods and sits down, looking at Lexa. Lexa looks sad and lost. She doesn’t like seeing Lexa like this.

“Are you okay, Lex?” Clarke asks gently. Lexa smiles sadly and shakes her head. 

“I”m...that’s such a hard question to answer.” Lexa says softly.

“It shouldn’t be.” Clarke replies gently. Lexa shuts her eyes and shakes her head.

“Why are you here, Clarke?” Lexa asks desperately. Does Clarke still love her? Even after how horribly she has treated her?

“You called me.” Clarke shrugs like it’s a simple question. Lexa nods and looks off.

“You look good.” Lexa mumbles gently. “Really good.”

“Oh uh thanks.” Clarke says, trying to play cool. “How’s Costia?” Clarke says gently. Lexa’s eyes widen.

“I wouldn’t know.” Lexa says once she recovers from the shock of the question. Clarke looks at her carefully.

“Really?” Clarke asks insecurely.

“Clarke, I told you this divorce wasn’t about Costia.” Lexa says sadly.

“I guess..I guess I just didn’t believe you.” Clarke responds gently. Lexa nods.

“Costia was such a big mistake, Clarke. I know what I did was so wrong. I...I don’t think I can forgive myself for kissing her so I understand if you can’t forgive me either.” Lexa says quietly. Her heart beating so fast.

“I don’t forgive you, Lex. I’m not going to lie to you.” Clarke says softly and Lexa feels the words strike right at her heart. “I don’t forgive you for walking away either.”

“It’s not that simple, Clarke.” Lexa says a little firmer. “I tried for years with you. You were so wrapped up in your work. You didn’t even look at me like a woman anymore. We were just co-parents. We lost the spark and you didn’t even care. You stopped trying.”

Clarke nods and bitterly laughs. “I lost myself somewhere along the years. I’m starting to find myself again though.”

“That’s really good. I can tell you’re different.” Lexa says with a sad smile on her face.

“You could have tried a little harder, you know?” Clarke says softly. “You never explicitly told me how unhappy you were. We could have tried to figure this out together, but instead you cheated on me and asked for a divorce in the middle of a damn restaurant. Did our love mean that little to you?” Clarke asks with a strained voice. 

“Clarke, no. I was just drowning. I couldn’t breathe. I knew there needed to be a change and I didn’t see any other options. I just..then the thing with Costia happened and I knew neither of us deserved to be stuck.” Lexa says sadly. “I don’t know what..I don’t know. I just don’t know anymore.”

“What do you mean ‘you don’t know’? What don’t you know?” Clarke asks quietly. Is Lexa having second thoughts? She knows Lexa fucked up...big time. But despite everything, she’s still her Lexa. She’s still the nerdy girl she met in a high school English class. She’s still the girl with glasses much too big for her face and a dorky laugh. She’s still the mother of her children, her first and only love. She’s still Clarke’s everything. 

Lexa just bites her lip and looks down at the burger in her hands, trying to avoid Clarke’s inquisitive gaze. “I’m confused. I..” Lexa shakes her head. She can’t tell Clarke she’s having regrets asking for this divorce. She can’t say that because she’s still unsure. She misses Clarke like hell but Clarke looks better than she has in years. Lexa can’t help but think that’s because of the break. Maybe this has been good for Clarke.

“Lexa?” Clarke asks gently, careful not to spook the woman in front of her.

“I don’t know. I’m just being dumb.” Lexa waves the heavy talk away. “So um, let’s talk about something else. How’s everything?” Lexa says, faking a smile.

“Um..it’s okay.” Clarke says slowly. She can tell Lexa is deflecting but she also knows when not to push Lexa and this is one of those times. Eventually the conversation picks up a less awkward tone and the two woman chat normally, even laughing and engaging in playful banter. Clarke eventually leaves, even hugging Lexa on her way out. 

Both woman later are in their own respective beds thinking about the night. It was random and awkward and there was a tension in the air. But aside from those moments, it felt right. It felt how it used to. Can they ever get back to where they once were?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo this fic has really deviated off course from what the original movie was and for that, im sorry (but also not that sorry). so yeah from this point on, there might be some similar plot arcs as the movie this fic is named after, but it's also going to be a lot of my own plots. 
> 
> comments are very much appreciated and loved

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think so far! I know cheating is a big no no and I assume I will get much understood hate because Lexa kissed Costia. Your opinions are allowed and I appreciate all comments.


End file.
